What Do We Hope for in "Piano Parents"?

By Rhoda Rabin

From:  Keyboard Companion, Summer 1996

A successful piano experience for the young child includes the child, the teacher, and the parents.  Like a three-legged stool, the student and the teacher are two of the legs, but the parents balance and support the whole endeavor. 

If young children sense that their parents respect and like the teacher, that we’re a team, it infuses the whole atmosphere with a fine sense of cordiality.

In the best of all possible worlds, parents participate actively in their child’s music study – not in the studio lesson itself, but in the support, encouragement, and monitoring that take place at home.

As teachers, we owe it to parents to let them know that they will have to work alongside the child to make this whole process successful.  They will be our eyes and ears at home.  We will have to rely on them to let us know all the changing influences in a child’s environment that will have an impact on the study of music.  Parents are partners in this enterprise, and they usually are eager to do all they can.

When we discuss what we need to provide for parents, it is important to consider:

-          The introductory interview

-          Informing the parents of their roles at the lesson and at home

-          Establishing an atmosphere of free communication

The Introductory Interview

Before the first lesson ever takes place, before the child and the teacher even meet, the teacher must have a good idea of how well a child will “take” to the piano.  Even though children are not auditioned, I rarely refuse or discontinue a student.  It is possible to obtain much of the information needed to work with the child from early discussions with the parents.  In a sense, it is the parents who are auditioned.

What do we, as teachers, hope for in “piano parents”?

We hope to find parents who care about music, whether they play or not, and who are deeply interested in the experiences they give to their children.  Fortunately, the parents who bring their children to us for lessons are usually such involved, supportive parents.

At some point before the first lesson, it is necessary to meet with both parents, without the child if possible, to learn about the prospective student and the environment in which he or she lives.  This also is the time for parents to ask questions about your philosophy and policies.  This meeting is an occasion for making everyone feel comfortable in the context of sharing information.

There are some questions to ask, as well as points to be raised, and they are outlined in the sample interview that follows, along with their rationale behind each of them.

-          How Old Is The Child?  Find out not just the age, but the child’s birth date and whether he or she has had any exposure to nursery school or kindergarten.  It’s not necessary for them to have had any schooling, of course, but it’s useful to know in planning lessons and scheduling.

-          Are There Brothers and Sisters?  Determine how old each sibling is, what schools the other children attend, and whether they play instruments.  This is valuable information for role modeling, evaluating other influences, and even for arranging future ensemble playing.

-          Do You or Your Spouse Play Any Musical Instruments of Do You Enjoy Singing?  Again, reassure parents that it’s certainly not necessary that they be accomplished musicians to help their child succeed with piano lessons; it’s not necessary that they play at all.  But if one parent plays a saxophone or a harmonica, or sings, you can help construct opportunities for them to play or sing along with their children.  If the parents took piano lessons as children or express interest in learning the piano, make it a point to arrange a way for them to learn some rudimentary things to play along with their child.  It’s a delightful plus for both the student and parent.  Parents’ interests in exposing their child to music frequently leads them to study piano as well.

-          We Meet for At Least Two Sessions a Week.  Parents who expect the traditional model of one piano lesson each week need to understand how difficult it can be for the young child to be exposed to something new and extraordinary, and then be expected to work alone on that task for seven long days between lessons.  Explain that even three short lessons are not uncommon in the first years, and that multiple sessions allow the young child to “practice” at the studio.  Explain that all lessons are one-on-one at first, and the second lessons becomes a group lesson after the first several weeks.

-          This is the Waiting Room Where You’ll Spend Time When Your Child is in the Studio.   Let parents know that they’ll always be nearby during the lesson, but that it is important for the lesson itself to take place in a private setting that emphasizes the intimacy between teacher and student.  Point out the books, toys, and other materials available for parents, students, and younger siblings to use while they wait.  Include the location of the telephone and restroom.  Emphasize that the waiting room is a place to be comfortable.  Explain that questions and discussions about the child’s progress are best handled on the telephone instead of at lessons, because children often grow impatient with “adult” talk, and the teacher often needs to move along to the next lesson.

-          Tell Me About Your Piano.  This is the time to ask parents where their piano is located, when it was last tuned, and whether they are satisfied with the tuner they currently use.  Parents need to embrace the importance of having the best instrument they can afford.  They should understand the necessity of tuning it twice a year, and that the piano tuner can be a good source of information on products such as pedal extenders and special tools that give young children the best access to the pedals and support their feet.  You can tell parents about various types of pianos.  You also can recommend A Piano Book:  A Guide to Buying a New or Used Piano by Larry Fine (Brookside 1987: Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts) and provide a list of reliable dealers for music products and instruments.  Explain, too, the importance of location of the instrument in the piano-friendly household.

-          I’d Like to Tell You About Lesson Scheduling and Commitments.  In general, it seems that parents who are led to understand the importance of showing up regularly do just that.  Children usually can’t “make up” missed days of nursery or elementary school if they go on vacation with the family or have another reason to be away, and you should stress that music lessons are similar to other educational experiences.

-          Let’s Discuss Tuition.  Payment is made in advance, with no refund for missed lessons (see above).  But parents have the option of paying for the entire school year, by semesters, or monthly.  In any group of parents, several choose each of the options.  You may have other methods that work well for you.

-          I Want to Tell You About Some of the Most Enjoyable Events of the Year, Those Times when Students Have the Chance to Play for One Another and for Their Families.  We Call Them Piano Parties.  Explain why the term “recital” may not be the most appropriate for the young child, and how you consider these periodic celebrations of music occasions of joy, not exams.  The children look forward to piano parties with great anticipation.  Give parents some idea of when they are scheduled – for example, at Halloween, before winter holiday break, on Valentine’s Day, and just before school ends in the spring.

-          You’ll Want to Know About Materials.  Use this time to explain your procedures for providing printed music, assignment books, and other materials.  It’s best for the teacher to purchase and provide music and other materials at the lessons and bill parents later.  That way students receive all their materials without delay when they need them.

Tell parents the child will need to bring little slippers, clipped together and labeled with the child’s name, to wear in the studio.  These protect the piano from shoe tips and also provide a ritual of entrance into a new environment, like removing shoes before entering a Japanese home.  Also inform the parents about providing blank cassette tapes for recording the child’s performances and playing in certain lessons throughout the school year.  The child will also need a bag for carrying his or her supplies.

-          Now Let’s Schedule the Lesson Times.  You can make suggestions about the regular times that work best for you each week, but in general it’s up to you to adapt your schedule as best you can to the schedule of these busy families.  Since you are working with young children, many of whom may bot yet be in full-day school, you may not need to schedule as many evening and Saturday hors as teachers of piano traditionally do.

Another matter about which parents express concern is summer lessons.  Although some teachers make summer classes a great occasion for music fun and experimentation, many others find it works best to schedule piano class alongside the traditional school calendar with a break in the summer.  You can assure parents, however, that children don’t lose their piano knowledge over the summer and return refreshed and ready to work when fall arrives.

-          I’m Very Interested in Knowing Just What your Hopes are About Your Child in Studying Piano.  This is your golden opportunity to find out just what parents expect and hope to realize from music lessons.  Do they hope to raise a prodigy?  Do they think their child has musical talent?  Do they think music is simply an enjoyable and important part of life?  Since the attitude of the parents is so critical, they reveal a great deal by their answers, and you, in turn, have the chance to explain your philosophy of teaching the young child.  This also can be the opportunity to reassure parents that children who can participate in the simplest preschool setting often are ready for piano lessons, and to share with them your definition of musical mastery and musical success as they relate to the young child.

In sum, the introductory interview is the place at which all of your instincts and people-sense come into play.  When I tell teachers that in my years of teaching I’ve declined to teach only a very few children, they’re often surprised and curious.  In those cases, it was really the parents with whom I felt I couldn’t work successfully.  You should rely on your intuition; if the parents are uncooperative and you don’t feel they support you fully, then you should consider not working with them.  In general, “piano parents” are the best kind of parents.  Bear in mind you’re working directly with one young student, but in the larger sense, you are educating a whole family.

Additional Information for the Parents

Teaching piano to the young child is an involved, holistic process.  Parents need to know what will be expected of them in this context.  There are many things to absorb at the beginning.

At the lesson

Parents wonder why they need to be present for every lesson.  One reason is to nurture the confidence of the child; another is to enable parents to hear what their child is learning and how, so they can offer support and encouragement on the days between lessons.

Many parents have asked me why so much talking and so little playing seems to go on during early lessons.  In time, parents fully endorse the idea that everything that goes on in the lesson, no matter how seemingly unrelated, nurtures the study of music.  They need to understand that the teacher is an important adult in the child’s life, a confidante and friend, and the relationship becomes a vital part of the learning atmosphere.  It is important, then, for you to ask how Grandma’s visit is going, what’s new at school, how the tree house is progressing.

Occasionally, teaching methods themselves might result in opportunities for increasing parents’ understanding.  A father once questioned me about requiring his young son to stand rather than sit at the keyboard while the child played.  When I explained that standing, far from being awkward or uncomfortable, actually affords a three-year-old the best position for negotiating the entire keyboard, he accepted the need for this.  There are many other chances to share the reasons why the methods we use are so helpful in giving the child the best possible experience, even though those methods may seem untraditional at first.

Though a half hour is allotted for each lesson there may be times in the early days when a child stays in the studio only eight or ten minutes.  Parents who feel concerned about a lesson that seems too short need to understand how important it is to let a child leave before the child is bored or overwhelmed, and how the involvement with the lessons grows rapidly with time.

Parents are our best sources for information about the child’s life outside the studio.  If Susan has just been to the zoo and has had and exhilarating but exhausting time there, we may need to make some adjustments in the progress of the lesson to accommodate her mood.  Does Josh have a cold coming on?  Family troubles, however minor, something special happening at school, excitement over an impending vacation or a visit from grandparents – all have an impact on lessons and you need to know about them.  Telling parents that children may need a snack before lessons so that growing tummies won’t demand attention is a useful practice. I often keep a bowl of healthful snacks on hand for such urgencies.  That practice led to a new nickname – Mrs. Raisin.

At home

Parents need educating about the piano at home, and it can be a delicate subject.  Piano lessons shouldn’t be available only to middle-class children whose parents can afford a relatively costly instrument, but often that is the practical reality.  Even with the best intentions, the situation in which a child has access to a piano at Grandma’s, at a neighbor’s, or at a community center simply doesn’t work well.  Many piano teachers hope for the day when some sort of scholarship system will allow every family with the desire to give this wonderful gift to their children.

However much you empathize with financial constraints, you can feel confident encouraging parents to purchase the best instrument they can afford.  A superior instrument graces the efforts of the child and the whole family and this should be explained.  Occasionally, pianos can be “rented to own,” and you often can help families find good used instruments through your community networks.  Sometimes parents may worry that the instrument will end up being an expensive relic if the child gives up piano.  Few children abandon the piano, however, and those who do may return to it.  I’ve rarely know a case in which a piano was purchased only to be surrendered later.  Parents need to know, as well, that the visit from the piano tuner isn’t the time to show the young child from the room.  Watching the tuner can be an enriching experience for everyone.

Location of the piano is very important.  Parents eager to provide their young musician with every opportunity for concentration may be inclined to place the piano in a basement family room or other quiet, isolated place.  Let them know that the piano should occupy a place of pride in the home, and that the flow of natural family traffic around the instrument is desirable.  Children don’t want to be alone or separated form the life of the family while they play.  If they are, how will their naturally exuberant desire to “show off” their growing skills be encouraged?  You should assure parents that a child’s playing can be a happy accompaniment to preparing meals or other work around the home.  Parents often mention that their children are drawn to touch the piano, even for a moment, whenever they pass through the room – they just cannot resist playing.  This is, of course, the idea.

Besides the piano, parents sometimes ask if there are other musical toys and play instruments they can offer their young children (and their children’s siblings) to help encourage a musical milieu.  The toy store shelves are filled with a veritable orchestra of instruments, most of which offer more in the way of imaginative play than musical learning.  But there are lovely sounding tubular bells pitched to a scale and bells arranged in a circle that can provide a certain amount of learning and listening fun.  Good quality toy xylophones are nice to have at home and in the studio.  They may not be perfectly in tune, but most of them closely approximate the sound of the scale.  Music boxes can be fun, too.

If possible, each child should have his or her own music machine.  Once, this was a turntable and records, an anachronism in these days of compact discs!  Encourage parents to invest in inexpensive tape players as gifts for their children.  They often become the most used objects of childhood.  Making recordings of the children playing in the studio provides them with an audio recording of their progress.  Years later, they delight in playing the tapes of their first sounds, just as they delight in seeing movies of themselves taking their first steps.  Of course, the piano is the greatest musical toy of all.

Beyond the piano and recorded music, you can encourage parents to expose their children to music performance in all its varieties.  Even a two-year-old can experience the enjoyment of a concert, although, as common sense dictates, certainly not two solid hours of chamber music.

Short visits, however, to school or community concerts in casual environments, choirs at church, family “sock hops” in the living room – all of these can be wonderful opportunities.  Attend the first half of a concert, followed by a trip to the ice cream parlor, and you’ve concocted an endearing memory for a young child, reinforcing the art habit in ordinary life at the same time.

Aesthetic appreciation that begins in earliest youth can continue through life in a seamless fabric.  Even though the teacher has no direct influence on offering a broad musical base at home, we can point out that the art habit has a way of rippling through the family.  Older siblings may sometimes join in performing with the new student, and younger siblings who hear a brother or sister play may be encouraged to play themselves when they are old enough.  Father may pull his guitar out of the closet where he’s stored it since college days.  Mother may remember a duet she played with her sister as a girl.  Expertise is less important than joy – than the parents’ positive response toward music.  That love is communicated naturally.

Parents often are also concerned about their role in practice at home.  You can assure them that they need not break out the stopwatch and enforce a rigid half-hour of practice at a certain time every day.  If the piano is part of the child’s home and life, the desire to sit down and play each day, even if just for a few minutes, will grow naturally, and may require only the gentlest reminder or none at all.  Suggesting a regular practice period is helpful.

Though parents often are pleasantly surprised by the scope and depth of their child’s repertory, you need to emphasize that repertory is not the goal; artistry is.  Any time a child sits down at the piano, that child is doing well and deserves praise from parents.  You can encourage parents to give their highest praise to the child’s attitude toward and involvement with the instrument rather than to her skill at executing any particular song.  In the earliest years, most of the child’s piano playing will be done during the framework of lessons.  Playing at home should be a healthy, stress-free habit, an opportunity for private enjoyment or family performance.  Children usually will be proud of what they’re learning and more than willling to share it with the family.

Establishing Communication

Parents want to talk about how their child is doing.  It is important to take advantage of the opportunity to listen to their observations and concerns.  But the moments after the lesson, with the child present and often impatient to get on with the day, are not usually the best time for sharing with parents.  Give parents generous permission to phone you at home.  Let them know the best times to reach you and assure them that if you are busy or unavailable, you’ll welcome the opportunity to talk at another time.

Parents sometimes hesitate to “bother” the teacher at home by speaking to him or her by telephone.  Try to dispel this concern, because a full and mutually supportive atmosphere of communication between parents and teacher is the best reinforcement a young student can have.